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Funniest Movie Lines
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Nursing home orderly (Ben Stiller) - Okay, listen up everybody! Turn up your volumes, announcement. I got good news. We're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today!
Old lady - My fingers hurt.
Orderly - (softly) What's that?
Lady - My fingers hurt.
Orderly - Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, cuz you just pulled landscapin' duty. Hmm, anybody else's fingers hurt? I didn't think so.
Grandma - Sir, um, could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps put me to sleep.
Orderly - You could trouble me for a glass of warm milk. Now you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep. Check out the nametag. You're in my world now Grandma.
Grandma - Oh dear.
Happy Gilmore
- I was there when they shot Baby Bro in MacArthur Park.
- Where’d they shoot him?
- In MacArthur Park you big dumb mutha-
- Nah, where’d they shoot him?
- In the @ss! Everybody knows Baby Bro got shot in the @ss!
"Well, you know, I had a lot of friends. Frank Sinatra, Jr., Sammy Davis, Jr., Jr., used to call me all the time."
Money Talks
- Oh I get it. It's very clever.
- Thank you.
- How's that workin' out for you?
- What?
- Being clever.
- Great.
- Keep it up then.
- Was it ticking?
- Actually throwers don't worry about ticking cuz modern bombs don't tick.
- Sorry, throwers?
- Baggage handlers.
Fight Club
"You can derelict my balls, capi-tan."
"Hansel, so hot right now...Hansel."
Zoolander
"PC lobe letter? What the f*ck does that mean?"
"Yeah, hiii. It's Bill Lumberg again. Uhh, I just wanted to make sure you knew that we did start at the, uhh, usual time this morning. Yeah, it isn't a half day, or anything like that."
Office Space
- Do you remember me Austin Powers?
- I don't recall your name, but your...fez...is...familiar.
"Number Two, you look so young, vital. Frau, you look so...riiight..."
Austin Powers 2
"Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the godd@mn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food. All the chicken. All the pig feet. All the collard greens. All the hog maw. I wanna eat some of them chitlins! I like pig feet!"
- My neck! My back! My neck and my back! Oww, I want a hundred and fifty thousand! But we can settle out of court right now for twenty bucks.
- Man, get yo' punk @ss up! It ain't even wet over here. D@mn!"
- Hey, well look here man. Just gimme ten dollars and I won't say nothin'.
- Get out.
- Two-fifty and a jawbreaker?
- Get out!
- A dollar and some envelopes?
Friday
King - Please! Please good people! I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Peasant 1 - No one lives there.
K - Then who is your lord?
P1 - We don't have a lord.
K - What?
Peasant 2 - I told you, we're an anarco-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. But all the decisions of that officer must be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting; by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs-
K - Be quiet!
P2 - but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more serious
K - Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
P1 - Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Ha!
K - I am your king!
P1 - Well I didn't vote for you.
- Where'd you get the coconuts?
- We found them.
- Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical.
- What do you mean?
- Well this is a temperate zone.
- The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house marten or plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land.
- Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Monty Python And The Holy Grail
"Sh!t, I wish a muthaf*cka would be in my muthaf*ckin' seat"
"A black President? Now come on y'all, we got Clinton, that's close. He got negro tendencies."
The Original Kings Of Comedy
“You gave me life, you gave me milk, you gave me courage. You name was Angela, an angel from Heaven. But you were also an angel of God, and he needed you too. Selfishly, I tried to keep you here, while the cancel ate away your organs, like an unstoppable rebel force. But I couldn’t see you, and I shall see your face, never more…never more…never more…until we meet again in Heaven.”
Greg Fokker - So what got you in to, uh, carpentering?
Kevin - Carpentry? (smug laugh) I guess I’d have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter and I just figured if you’re gonna follow in someone’s footsteps, who better than Christ?
Jack – Greg’s Jewish.
Kevin – Are you?
Fokker – Yeah.
Kevin – Well so was J.C. You’re in good company.
Meet The Parents
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