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Austin Powers Quotes
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Goldmember Quotes
Dr. Evil: Are those sharks with laser beams attached to their heads?
Scott Evil: [nods]
Dr. Evil: Cool! You mean that I actually have frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads?
Mini-Me: [writes] Are you a clone of an angel?
Foxxy Cleopatra: Ohhh how sweet. No, my mini-man, I'm not.
Mini-Me: [writes] Are you sure you don't have a little clone in you?
Foxxy Cleopatra: Yes I'm sure.
Mini-Me: [writes] Would you like to?
Fat Bastard: Unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.
Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen!
[laughs, then notices he isn't getting any laughs from his submarine crew]
Dr. Evil: No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...
Foxxy Cleopatra: Well, the future better get ready for me. 'Cause I'm Foxxy Cleopatra, and I'm a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN.
Fat Bastard: [looking at the toilet] What? I didn't have any corn!
Nigel Powers: [rubs throat] Ow...
Austin Powers: What's wrong with your neck?
Nigel Powers: I took a Viagra, got stuck in me throat, I've had a stiff neck for hours.
Nigel Powers, Austin Powers: I thank you!
International Man of Mystery Quotes
Austin Powers: Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich.
Austin Powers: Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whore's bath? Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a 'how's your father'!
Scott Evil: Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.
Austin Powers: I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.
Austin Powers: That ain't no woman! It's a man, man!
Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, I would never have s#x with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having s#x, simply for procreation, I still would not have s#x with you.
Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?
Dr. Evil: Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes Mr. Powers? I designed them myself.
Dr. Evil: Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?
Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest assassins, and yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people DIE!
The Spy Who Shagged Me Quotes
Dr. Evil: As you know, every diabolical scheme I've hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers. And why is that, ladies and gentlemen?
Scott: Because you never kill him when you get the chance, and you're a big dope?
Dr. Evil: The moon unit will be divided into two divisions: Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa.
Austin: [referring to Felicity sleeping with Fat Bastard] Well how could you do it?
Felicity Shagwell: I was just doing my job.
Austin: No, I mean, literally, HOW could you do it? The man's so fat, the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling.
Scott: [both are the Jerry Springer show] How could you do this to me? On national television!
Dr. Evil: Well throw me a freakin' bone here, Scott.
Scott: Why did you run out on me?
Dr. Evil: Because you're not quite evil enough.
[audience boos]
Dr. Evil: Well it's true! It's true! You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.
Austin: Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants baby?
Felicity Shagwell: You can start by buying me a drink.
[Driving on a supposedly English road, clearly *not* filmed on location]
Mike Myers: You know what's remarkable? Is how much England looks in no way like Southern California.
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