Storyline:
Harry and Lloyd are two brainless losers who try to return a suitcase full of money to its pretty owner. After a journey full of accidents they arrive in snowy Aspen, Colorado and try to find her.
Cast overview
Jim Carrey ...
Lloyd Christmas
Jeff Daniels ...
Harry Dunne
Lauren Holly ...
Mary Swanson
Mike Starr ...
Joe Mentalino
Lloyd: I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!
Harry: No way!
Lloyd: I'll give you three to one odds.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Five to one.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Ten to one?
Harry: You're on!
Lloyd: I'm gonna get ya!
Harry: Nuh uh!
Lloyd: I don't know how, but I'm gonna get ya.
Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Harry: The owls! They're beautiful!
[coming out of the 7-11]
Lloyd: Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.
Harry: I don't get it, Lloyd. She told me ten o' clock, sharp! Are you sure you went to the right bar?
Lloyd: Yep. I'm pretty sure. Lobby bar right by the lobby.
[sighs]
Lloyd: Maybe she just had a change of heart.
Harry: Oh, that pisses me off! That pisses me right off! I hate when women do that. She wanted to see you again! And now no? Now... Wait a minute! Wait! She must have meant ten o' clock at night!
Lloyd: Do you think...?
Harry: Why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten in the morning?
Lloyd: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.
Lloyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?
Mary: How'd you guess?
Lloyd: I saw your luggage. Then when I noticed the airline ticket, I put 2 and 2 together.
Lloyd: Hey, look, the Monkees. They were a huge influence on the Beatles.
[man and woman walk by]
Harry: Ooh, look at the buns on that one...
Lloyd: Yeah, he must work out.
Lloyd: I want to ask you a question... straight out, flat out... and I want you to give me an honest answer. What do you think the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary: Well Lloyd... that's difficult to say... you really don't...
Lloyd: Hit me! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: [Gulps] You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like... one out of a million.
Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance. Yeah!
Harry: I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd: Yeah, that John Denver is full of shit, man.
Mary: This is incredible. You mean to say you drove 2000 miles, just for me?
Lloyd: I-I didn't really have a-a lot to do... and I know how frustrating it can be to lose a bag.
Lloyd: You spilled the salt, that's what's the matter! Spilling the salt is very bad luck! We're driving across the country, the last thing we need is bad luck. Quick, toss some salt over your right shoulder.
Harry: [Tosses the entire salt shaker over his shoulder]
Sea Bass: What the hell? Who's the dead man that hit me with the salt shaker?
Lloyd: Listen, Mr. Samsonite, about the briefcase, my friend Harry and I have every intention of fully reimbursing you.
Nicholas Andre: Open it up. Open it up!
Lloyd: [Motioning to Mary] Go ahead, open it up. Do what he says. Hurry.
Nicholas Andre: What is this? What is this? Where's all the money?
Lloyd: That's as good as money, sir. Those are I.O.U.'s. Go ahead and add it up, every cent's accounted for. Look, see this? That's a car. 275 thou. Might wanna hang onto that one.
Harry: That was genius, Lloyd, sheer genius. I mean where did you come up with a scam like that?
Lloyd: Saw it in a movie once.
Harry: That's incredible! So what happened, so the guy tricks some sucker into picking up his tab and gets away with it scott free?
Lloyd: No, in the movie, they catch up to him half mile down the road and slit his throat! Hahaha! It was a good one.
Lloyd: [after getting off the moped with Harry frozen to his back] Got a little nippy going through the pass, huh Har?
Lloyd: [after Harry saves his life] Harry, you're alive... and a horrible shot!
Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
[after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped]
Harry: Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!
Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.
[to the dogs in his van]
Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.
Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.
Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic-Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd: I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.
Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.
Lloyd: If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.
Harry: Hi, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hi, Harry.
Harry: How was your day?
Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off the jet way again.
Lloyd: This isn't my real job, you know.
Mary: No?
Lloyd: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That's nice.
Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That's what we're gonna call it. "I Got Worms!" We're gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.
